Aloha Amigos

After leaving my job recently, I soon realized that I hadn’t really planned my next moves very strategically. I would say that I am pretty good at tic-tac-toe, less awesome at checkers and really suck at chess so it was no surprise to find myself in this predicament. What was I going to do with all the time and energy that were no longer allocated to my previous J-O-B? That was well over 50 hrs a week and multiple pints of blood, sweat and tears for sure. Fortunately it so happens that we have an awesome piece of jungle land on the Big Island of Hawaii with a mostly built-up house on it. Maybe I will just go squat over there until a profound new direction is revealed to me I thought. Isn’t that what Moses did before he came up with all those brilliant ideas that people never stop talking about? Perhaps my own burning bush was hidden in the cane grass for me to discover. There is plenty to do there as it is much more ranch-life than vacation cabin. I’m not gonna be able to just sit around the cabin and watch Sportscenter on a flatscreen in my jammies that is for shizzle. You have to work just to survive each day there. Next thing you know, I am buying a one-way ticket to Kona to get my Aloha on and work on my farmer’s tan. That my friends is why I dominate at tic-tac-toe.

I have a really awesome bruddah Eduardo from the mainland who moved his entire family there over a year ago and have quickly immersed themselves completely into the Hawaiian lifestyle. They have truly been an inspiration to me in being fearless in my current life choices and so supportive of my Hawaiian adventure. It was such a welcome sight to get picked up at the airport by a tanned, ripped, bearded, greying brah driving a lifted up Dodge diesel with reggae blaring and smoke billowing out the windows. Within seconds, I already had a fat stinky spliff in my mouth and I couldn’t help but laugh and at all those suckers loading their golf clubs into shuttles as their mistresses applied sunscreen to their pasty skin. I felt pretty sure I was going to have much better yarns to spin than that par save on the 14th hole Desmond and Chloe were likely to call their trip highlight at the next martini party in SoCal. I am not really into a sanitized Hawaiian vacation account from an all-inclusive Kona resort that gives you absolutely no insight into this magical island and incredible culture. I want to get down and dirty on the Wet Side. I’m talking welted up mosquito bites, fire ant infestations, cane grass burns all over my arms, running from wild pigs, SPAM for breakfast, bar fights with drunk Samoans…shit maybe even a tribal face tattoo if I’m feeling particularly spry. Fuck par saves on the 14th Desmond, grow a pair and live a little brah!!!

I have to say Eduardo and family gave me the full-on best guest treatment during my 5-day stay with them. I ate like a king and was never without anything I asked for whether it was a beer, a toke, a beach towel, hot shower, whatevs. I was able to integrate into their hectic lives seamlessly. The way they run their household was like watching a beautiful symphony, everybody knows their part and does their damndest to contribute to the cause. I was in the loop and felt like part of the tribe when kids were coming and going to school, Homecoming dance planning, kids on dates with curfews, homework done or not done, whether plants were getting watered, when mongoose were caught and squealing in garden netting in need of jaws-of-life style rescue, etc…The only complaint I may have if I’m being nit-picky was their wild fucking pet pig that they saved from certain death along the roadside about a year ago. I’m not sure if I still smelled of bacon from my airport breakfast burrito or whether she was my jilted lover from another lifetime but we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot or cloven hoof in her case. We’re not talking cute little pink Charlette’s Web piggy you hold in your hand and feed with a bottle, we’re talking at least 100 lbs of biting, head-butting, charging, coarse-haired piggie that can sniff out an islander from a mainlander like me….maybe even doesn’t like Mexicans like Trump piggie. If you could see how effortlessly piggie broke open macadamia nuts with her jaws my primal fear would make much more sense. I’m sure she would have made mincemeat of my huevos rancheros if you catch my drift. Anywho, this pig had me on edge for 5 days and it knew I was deathly afraid of it and tormented me below the kneecaps like she was Hungry Hungry Hippo. It was like that one pissed off butch at the bar that didn’t care one shit about the straight guy in the room trying to mind his own business…you know what I’m talking about ornery as hell. Plus, it so happens that my health insurance lapsed after leaving my job so I wasn’t all that psyched about running up an emergency room tab for a missing right calve muscle plus the vet bill to retrieve the calve muscle from a sedated pig surely would break the bank. Perhaps if it would have made a really bad ass war wound story I almost would be ok with it, like a gnarly shark bite I suffered while i was surfing the break at dawn but those scars do not look anything alike so no thank you Miss Piggie. Back the hell down you savage feminine beast!! Hey, don’t hate on me because I am trying to be fiscally responsible in my retirement I’m on a fixed income for Chrissakes!

After about 5 days of super hospitable treatment from Eduardo and family and under constant siege from piggie, I was able to get a lift to the wetter Hilo-side of the island where we have our property/house. It was such a beautiful drive and just absurd how the climate changes so many times in that relatively short distance between the west and east sides of the island. You go from hot-as-hell arms out the window to windows sealed up, wipers on frantic high, hydroplaning across the tarmac intermittently. The weather changes are fast and furious I tell you. In fact, Eduardo tells me on the way back to the Dry Side that the Dodge Diesel truck was hit by lightning for Godsakes. Out of the desert and into the jungle, it was time for me to get my feet wet, my hands muddy, and figure out where to place my next X or O. Can you you say Checkmate brah?

May the Aloha Spirit flow to and through each of you beautiful creatures!!!! Please read on below and share that joyful life energy at this very moment…it is all we truly have amigos!!!

Uncle Carlos

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The Aloha Spirit is a well known reference to the attitude of friendly acceptance for which the Hawaiian Islands are so famous. However, it also refers to a powerful way to resolve any problem, accomplish any goal, and to achieve any state of mind or body that you desire.

In the Hawaiian language, aloha stands for much more than just “hello” or “goodbye” or “love.” Its deeper meaning is “the joyful (oha) sharing (alo) of life energy (ha) in the present (alo).”

As you share this energy you become attuned to the Universal Power that the Hawaiians call mana. And the loving use of this incredible Power is the secret for attaining true health, happiness, prosperity and success.

The way to tune into this Power and have it work for you is so simple that you might be tempted to pass it off as being too easy to be true. Please don’t let yourself be fooled by appearances. Take the time to try it out.

This is the most powerful technique in the world, and although it is extremely simple it may not prove easy, because you must remember to do it and you have to do it a lot. It is a secret which has been given to humanity over and over again, and here it is once more in another form. The secret is this:

Bless everyone and everything that represents what you want!

That’s all there is to it. Anything that simple, however, does need some explanation.

To bless something means to give recognition or emphasis to a positive quality, characteristic or condition, with the intent that what is recognized or emphasized will increase, endure or come into being.

Blessing is effective in changing your life or getting what you want for three reasons: First of all, the positive focus of your mind stirs up the positive, creative force of the Power of the Universe. Secondly, it moves your own energy outward, allowing more of the Power to come through you. Thirdly, when you bless for the benefit of others instead of directly for yourself, you tend to bypass any subconscious fears about what you want for yourself, and also the very focus on the blessing acts to increase the same good in your life. What is so beautiful about this process is that the blessing you do for others helps them as well as you.

Blessing may be done with imagery or touch, but the most usual and easy way to do it is with words. The main kinds of verbal blessing are:

Admiration – This is the giving of compliments or praise to something good that you notice. E.g., “What a beautiful sunset; I like that flower; you’re such a wonderful person.”

Affirmation – This is a specific statement of blessing for increase or endurance. E.g., “I bless the beauty of this tree; blessed be the health of your body.”

Appreciation – This is an expression of gratitude that something good exists or has happened. E.g., “Thank you for helping me; I give thanks to the rain for nourishing the land.”

Anticipation – This is blessing for the future. E.g., “We’re going to have a great picnic; I bless your increased income; Thank you for my perfect mate; I wish you a happy journey; May the wind be always at your back.”

In order to gain the most benefit from blessing, you will have to give up or cut way down on the one thing that negates it: cursing. This doesn’t mean swearing or saying “bad” words. It refers to the opposite of blessing, namely criticizing instead of admiring; doubting instead of affirming; blaming instead of appreciating; and worrying instead of anticipating with trust. Whenever any of these are done they tend to cancel out some of the effects of blessing. So the more you curse the harder it will be and the longer it will take to get the good from a blessing. On the other hand, the more you bless the less harm any cursing will do.